Unlock the Lavender Door

A little gold key
A grand lavender door
More than just an entrance
It's an escape
But to what
To what should this lead
To what should we call such a pleasure
If it is one at all
Put in the key
Turn till the...
Click!
Unlocked
Grip the stony brass knob
And turn
Push and release

I Will Not Watch

Watching can be the most painful thing you can do

Actions.

They speak louder than words

But what is the action of not acting at all

What do you do?

When everyone tells you there is nothing you can do

Where is the forbidden line?

That is never to be crossed

Well I have found that line

I will not stand back any more

I will stand up and shout

I will no longer wither

I will no longer wait

I will no longer watch

I will act

I will do

Five Reasons Why We Should Assimilate Less

“I don't believe complete assimilation is possible, at least not for anyone who has an active, open mind. Every step, every entry into the flows of existence can be seen as a beginning, a commencement of a brand new way of seeing oneself in the world. This is the case for everyone.” (Chang-Rae Lee) This is a quote made by Chang-Rae Lee, a Korean American author and creative writing professor at Princeton University. I believe that this quote says a lot about why we should assimilate less because as he says complete assimilation is not possible. If we were to fully assimilate into another culture then we would have to give up our minds. We would have to forget everything that we have previously learned. Forget our customs and the whole world that we have come from. Forget, the mind,s most haunting fear.

“Forget your customs and ideals. Select a goal and pursue it with all your might. You will experience a bad time but sooner or later you will achieve your goal. Don’t take a moment’s rest. Run.”(History) This is a quote given to us from a guidebook given to immigrants who came over in 1880-1930. In some ways this can be taken as a polite word of advice, however this also entails of what was to come of the immigrants. It tells of the hardships they would go through, of how, if they preceded to follow their traditional culture, will have many discrepancies between them and those who lived by the American customs.

Assimilation, be that as it may, is not just consisted of immigrants and how they were forced to adapt, but also a person moving from one area, like a small town, to another, perhaps large city. Even this adjustment can be difficult for the average person, which can lead to stress and other health problems relating to that. Stress is a strong feel of worry that can over time can lead to different types of health problems. Some of these problems include serious heart problems, asthma, obesity, diabetes, depression, stomach problems, headaches, advanced aging, early death, along with many other things (WebMD). Stress can also lead to reckless behavior that can cause the death of someone else.

Recent studies show that substance use and alcoholism have been connected to assimilation (Warner). It shows that with the new environment that comes with moving and the cultural adjustment have also come to harm the health of some who do assimilate. Assimilation means to take up the dominant culture in the region that you have moved to. This also includes reckless behaviors that are well know in that culture like drugs and alcohol. Now not everyone takes up illegal drugs just because they move to the wrong side of the tracks, but it is a factor, especially if you move to a region with a culture that is the complete opposite of what you came from. Alcoholism also is related to stress and people trying to “make it through the day.” Studies show that about 1 in 10 deaths of working adults are caused by alcohol. This can include heart disease, breast cancer, liver disease, violence, alcohol poisoning, and one of the most tragics, drunk driving. Stressed based alcoholism can be brought on by many things, nonetheless the most well know is work related stress. When coming from a different country and being forced to assimilate and work in lower class jobs can cause a lot of stress on a person. Not being able to pay the bills, trying to feed your child or children, a failing marriage, and many other things can come along on the bandwagon of stress in your life that can lead you to make decisions that could forever change your life.

“Oooh! Alright, that's it! Dishonor! Dishonor on your whole family!” -Mulan (1998)

Honor and shame are two pressures put on the shoulders of household woman in Southern Asia. This stress put on them normally leads to self harm and other mental problems that are considered taboo in that region. If this is how people respond to honour in their home country then imagine how they would react to leaving and dishonoring their family in the process. In some cultures dishonoring your family can result in feelings of anger and disappointment to the most extreme case of honor killing. Honor killing is a traditional practice of killing a family member who was believed to have dishonored or brought shame onto the family. Just this past June, in Pakistan, a newly wed couple was murdered in a honor killing by the brides parents because they did not give them their blessings. “The bride's father and uncles lured the couple back to the village of Satrah in Punjab province, where Ahsanullah said the pair were tied up and then decapitated.” (CNN World) If this is what they do when marriage blessing are not made then imagine what would happen to someone who assimilated into a new culture. Talk about a bad family reunion.

America has been know to be the “melting pot.” This statement refers to the blending of cultures from the immigrants who came over in the Great Migration. However, in today’s society it is no longer as accepting. People are now wanting immigrants to assimilate and become more like them. People complain about the spanish options at the ATM and the multiple language option on directions. Americans are wanting immigrants to become more english and adapt to our culture. How is this just and fair? We were at one point an immigrant, an outsider, a misfit. Even if you are the pinnacle of popularity, your heritage consists of people who were not as fortunate to have such a high position in society. In contrast, there are those who accept other cultures without even realizing it.

    Further more, from the evidence that shows, I firmly believe that assimilation is not always apropriate. From stress to dishonoring, assimilation can lead to more trouble and problems than it's worth. People move to find better things, but forcing them to become something they are not is wrong. Having to leave a place is hard enough, why do we need to make it harder? Why do we need to put more things on other'd minds? Why go through all of that just for people to "fit in?" Why? 

A Myth About the Stars

    Once there was a wise old man and he had a magic crayon make of frosty white snow from the highest peak of the tallest mountain, the sparkliest crystals form the darkest cave, the wax from the sweetest honey bees, and in the light it twinkled like the joy in a child’s eyes. Now this man made the crayon because every night the sun would set and there would be no light. So the wise old man would climb up the highest mountain everyday and as the sky turned black he would draw a little star in the sky to help illuminate the velvety cloaked night. He would then walk down to the village and rest. Then in the following days he would continue on.

However, one day, a curious little boy saw how the man climbed the mountain and how he would draw a single little star every night. The little boy wanted to draw a star as well, so one night after the man came home, falling fast asleep, the boy tip toed in and stole the crayon. The little boy could not wait to start lighting up the night sky so he set out, up the mountain.

The next morning the wise old man woke up and looked for the crayon. He searched the entire morning, but to no avail. He thought and thought about it all morning until it was time for him to journey up the mountain. Then he set out on the long trail once again without the crayon.

Finally when he reached the top the wise old man saw the little boy with the magic crayon. The little boy say on the top of the mountain and looked down upon the valley as he waited for the sun to finally set and for the night to come. The old man didn’t want to startle the little boy and knew that he would tire out soon, so the old man sat down and leaned back against a small tree that was nearby. A short time later the wise old man fell asleep, but the little boy did not. The little boy stared up at the black sky and how all the little stars glittered in the sea of ink. Then he stood up and reached as far as he could and drew a single star. The little boy loved the feeling of creating something so beautiful, so he drew another and another, until he had drawn five new stars. Then he had an idea, “why not make a picture in the sky?” So the little boy started to draw a picture with the stars until he had a small spoon in which he called the little dipper. Then he drew another one right next to it, but bigger. Then he drew more and more pictures all over the night sky. 

Just as the little boy was finishing his last illustration, the old man woke up and saw what he had done. The old man sprung up like a freed spring and ran at the boy. The little boy then lept up and landed on a star. The old man stopped and looked up at the little boy standing on one of the many stars that he had drawn. He was puzzled, but decided to do the same, knowing that he need to get his magic crayon back. The old man hopped up and landed wobbly on a star next to the little boy. The boy then lept to another that was farther away from the old man. The old man followed in an uneasy pursuit. Then began the chase that still continues on today and every once in a while you can see the little boy with the crayon darting across the sky in a blink of an eye.

Shhhhhhh…

            It was love, it was romance, and may I emphasize those two words in italics? Yes, in this day and age we are subjected to one anothers' love lives, how ever fiery or fictional it may be. We are the depicted personnel of ones romantic novel or we are the sad readers of the glorified visionary. We are all, tall to short, broad to twig, and worm to socialist, the objectives of the people we turn to when we need a new reality. With out those seductive literary “Gods” we would have…

            Okay, maybe a little dramatic on my part, but isn’t it true? Isn’t it fact that most of the woman population is desperately drawn to these things. These pieces of misunderstood writings. Well I know I am. Yes, guilty as charged in the court of society’s judgment. I happen to enjoy the romantic novel section. I find it very riveting. Okay, maybe not that much, but it is a decent selection of books and besides its not just the literary, it’s also the media.

            Oh no, you’re not backing out of this one. You know you do, so just admit it. You follow love stories on the news and in movies and sitcoms. You know you do, Grey’s Anatomy, The Bachelor, The Notebook, they draw you in like magnet until you can’t live with out it. Yes, romantic media is now our own “dirty little secret…”

Shhhhhhh…

My High-Five System

             I was recently diagnosed with panic disorder. This means that at times I can’t control how I react to stress and presser sometimes. This means that I shake to the point that it’s harder to write and sometimes I collapse from my knees going weak. I feel anxious and I don’t know what to do. I get nervous and think that I can’t do something anymore or I won’t get it done in time. I get chest pains and it can be hard to breathe. My heart races and I get light headed. I am a teal ribbon.

            I know that things are hard. I know that life can throw you some crummy curve balls that can seem to send your life into a tailspin. I know this for a fact, but I also know that finding the little things that can make you smile in these hard times can make things so much better. I know that it can be difficult to find those things, but spending just a little time looking for those things can just as easily get your mind off of your bad situation. Even when you can’t find anything there is one thing you can do…

SMILE

            Yes, smiling can help improve your mood. Studies show that if you smile for sixty seconds, only a minute out of the 1,440 minutes you have in a day, can significantly enhance your mood. Making you happier. So I have developed a simple way to spread the smiles. I call it my High-Five System.

            My High-Five System is based off of three things. One, smiling for one minute can improve your mood. Two, smiles are contagious. Three, we can count to five. This only takes five minutes out of your whole day and they don’t have to be consecutive, meaning that you can do a minute or two here, a minute or two there, and so forth but you must do at least a minute or else the system is pointless. This is how it works; you start out by smiling on your own for one minute at least. You can do this by thinking about something that makes you happy, doing something that makes you happy, or anything along those lines just as long as it makes you happy and you are smiling for at least a minute. Then you smile at someone else and make him or her happy for at least a minute. Then another and another until you have made four people smile, not including your self. So now that you have completed this you have made a “high-five” by making yourself happy and four other people. Now go out and do it

Happy Two Years!!!!!

   I can't believe it's been two years since I started this blog and I just want to say thank you everyone for reading this blog and supporting me and my writing.

Thank you soooo much,

Riley M.

Running Man

   I stand there hunched over with my hands resting above my knees. I’m out of breath and almost out of road. I had come to find that in my retreat I had lost my right shoe and was left with only a sock revealing a hole exposing my large toe. Sweat rolled off the top of my newly shaved head like rain, slipping down to my eyebrows and gliding off of them as though they were gutters. Then finally falling off the face of the house and puddling on the ground. The seen in which I had just come from was one that no man should ever see. The feeling that gnawed at me in side was one that no man should ever feel. It was more than fear, more than terror, more than an other gut wrenching feeling combined. It was gruesome and warped. The memory will always be imbedded and gnarled in my mind. Faces blurred into infinity, so important yet to some, so meaning less. I can still hear the screams. The story would be front-page come morning, as I heard the police rushing by as I frantically ran. I was a witness. The warnings seem so obvious to me now as I recall it all, though at the time I saw none. The fate was inevitable, but could it have been postponed? In the light of all that had happened the sun still shone brightly as the day slowly faded away. Its raise beating down upon my swollen face, the humidity in the air weighed heavily on me, breathing was like trying to swim in a pool of tar. My lungs burned and my heart felt as though it were about to give out. A gash resided on the left side of my face, though no blood left from it. “What in the world is left for me to do? Surly there was something, but what?”

Street Light

One little street light
Tucked in the pocket of the city
Glowing with its orange haze
The sun not even set
Its heart content
Under the sherbet sky

Tattoo Love

Love at first sight
Love art first light
Love light a rose
So delicate and sweet

Amour à la première vue
Amour à la première lumière
Aimer comme une rose
Si délicat et doux

Love and Every that Comes with it

What is love? Why does it make us feel the way that we do? Why is it that when we are near someone that we truly love we feel both contentment and, in some cases, a burning fire of passion? Why is it that only few seem to meet our standards of love? Why does love feel sooooo good and yet when its gone it hurts like hell? Why is it that we fall in love? Why can't we fly? Why...

Wait I know what you're thinking... "Oh my God what is with this chick and her questions? Oh. My. God. Now I'm asking them." Yes, I know, I can get a little annoying... "Ha! A little annoying! That's an understatement." Okay, Okay, I get it, but please hear me out on this one. "Okay. Fine." Thank you.

What is love? Well by definition it is a strong feeling of affection and even attraction. Though some might say other wise, like it is a feeling of compassion and contentment, or it is the driving force behind the beating of our hearts, the burning passion that enlightens our soul, and the wind beneath our soaring wings as we fall gracefully into the arms of one another. Well love can be all of these, but I think that all of that was just a little bit too poetic for some so I will turn it down and put it in other, more simpler terms. Love is something that we feel when we like someone else very strongly. Sometimes love can be blind, deaf, or even immobile, but that doesn't mean that its not love. Love is something that can be mistaken for other things, but if it's true and real, *slight smile* you'll know.

Why does it make us feel the way that we do? Well we feel this way due to the chemicals in our brains, but I sure as hell I'm not going to go into that. What I do know is that we feel the way we feel because we really and truly love that person. The way that we want to stay enveloped in some one's arms or how we get butterflies when you see your "crush" walk by (I bet you just thought of that person, didn't you?). Yes, we are human and we feel these things even when we really really don't want to. So let those feelings fly.

Why is it that only few seem to meet our standards of love? This all depends on who you are and what your background story is. I can't tell you much other than once you find out what makes you "tick," I guess you can say, you won't really know the answer.

Why does love feel sooooo good and yet when its gone it hurts like hell? This is because we become attached to the person that we love. We tend to become so attached that when we are forced to detach, heck even the mere thought of it, puts us in emotional distress and turmoil. In layman's terms, we become heartbroken. We feel the emotional pain and the physical pain that sometimes comes along with it. We are humans that can't function in the world alone. We can't stand to be lonely. That is why we make friends, date, and are social. It is because we are social creatures and to be isolated is to be put in the deepest darkest regions of hell its self. No self-help book can truly tell you otherwise. Yes, you can be single and not mingle, but are you really alone, even in the lowest part of your life? No, because you have friends and family that is there for you as well. A significant other is just someone who is there for you in all emotional ways. It's okay to be single though because like they say love is a roller coaster, you just have to get on for the ride and hang on.

Why is it that we fall in love? Why can't we fly? I guess in some ways you do both in love. We "fall" for one another and we feel so high on the dopamine in our brain that is causing us to feel so happy when in love that we feel as though we are "flying." So why fall? Well love can be like a roller coaster, like I said before, and with all roller coasters there are ups and downs. Now we feel as though we are "falling" in love because when around your significant other you feel light, happy, and excited, are we not? Well all of that is like when you are going down a big hill on the thrill ride. Your stomach stinks to your feet as your heart races much faster than normal, though these feelings are more so out of fear of falling and the anticipation of that long drop. So how does fear and love relate? Well the fear of loosing your significant other can also have a roll in feeling as though you have fallen in love because that ominous fear of loosing the other person in your life can trigger the same type of feelings though this can also be because you have broken your heart before and you're scared that you will do it again.

"Funny Valentine"

   Oh how the trumpets sound and the sweet melody of the saxophones. The trill of the flute and my foot tapping to the steady beat of the drum. Then his voice plays of the speakers. Its floats in the air and sends a chill up your spine as you sit back and relax. "Good Ol' Franky Boy" mother used to say. He stood up there like a gentleman. All the women in that place swooned over him. It was like Macy's on Black Friday, just without the chaos. He started out fast to arouse the crowd, then slowed down to "Funny Valentine." Oh how I adore that song. I mean, prenez-moi la maison mon amour, oops sorry. I love that song.
   Then with all his cockiness he sings "I've got the world on a string, sittin' on a rainbow. Got the string around my finger. What a world, what a life, I'm in love!" Yup that's Franky for ya. 

Dear Few People Who will Read this,

   I have yet another question for you. Yes, I know this is really getting old, but we were made to ask them, so why not.
   Why do we miss people? Why does it seem that even when we tell ourselves not to, we still do? Why is it so hard to let go of things in life? Including people. Why?
   Okay, so that was more than one question, but you get my point. So, I guess now is when most would give the everyday answer of "Well, it's because we care about it, or them." But why? Why do we care so much about something or someone that we can't seem to detach ourselves form it/them? Why? I ask. Why?!
   Okay, a little dramatic and over the top there. My bad, but still... Why? Why can't we live a life without being constantly haunted of caring? Or having that nagging feeling of it?
   Here's why. It's because we have hearts. We have feelings, which in most of us causes us to think of others and how what we say and what we do makes them feel. We have brains which cause us to think of others and the chemicals and hormones don't emotionally let us forget easily. Yes, we are human and we make mistakes, but it's what and who we care about that make us learn from them and change. We change everyday for it and though it may be a nagging, bitching, pain in the ass, (sorry for the language, but I'm still entitled to freedom of speech) but it is what continually makes us who we are. I only hope that you care about the right things and the right people because the wrong things/people can bring you down to very low places.

Thanks for listening,

The Question Freak

The Storm

At the mercy
Of a frightening storm
Under siege
And under prepared
We stand
Side by side
Taking in the blows
No sandbags
Nor shelter
Could protect us from this
It's a beast
A monster
Just a whole other breed
There's no way to control it
No where to run
To hide
So we just face it
With fear in our eyes
As we see it before us
Our own lives

Zzzzzzzzz.... Sleeping

Zzzzzzzzzzzz
The night continues on...
Zzzzzzzzzzzz
The sleeping songs begun...
Zzzzzzzzzzzz
The is no other like it...
Zzzzzzzzzzzz
The snoring...
Zzzzzzzzzzzz
The tossing...
Zzzzzzzzzzzz
And turning...
Zzzzzzzzzzzz
And the night goes on...

A Nonsensical Ryme

The ground beneath me melts away.
Into the night of loving day.
I feel its warmth in no shade of gray.

It fills me
Revives me
Like a tall glass of tea


There is no other
There is no brother
Not even a mother

I only ask
For one more task
To paint a mask

I like to smile
Like a bright tile
While walking a mile


I know this makes no sense, but sometimes the only thing we need is a little bit of randomness in our life. So be a goof and spread the joy.

The Demon Within Me

I start my lonely journey,
Down this long empty trail.
Just me,
My friend,
And the pitch black road beneath me.
Though I call it a friend,
It is not one to me.
It is a demon,
a parasite,
that feeds off of me.
Off my misery and pain.
I throw down my bottle.
It shatters,
Breaks,
And scatters.
Because of this thing,
This addiction,
This monster that grows inside of me,
I have nothing left.
No home.
No family.
No,
Nothing.
What is it worth?
What is left?
After the bottles and shots.
What is left of me?
A slob with slurred words,
And stammering,
Stomping feet.
I wobble and fall.
Only to wake with a retched "hangover"

Dear Men:

      My friend recently sent me this and it got me thinking. I thought to myself, "Yes this is true, but isn't there more to this than meets the eye. What about the heart?" And I came to this conclusion...

       The right woman will want your time, but she won't want to be greedy and take it all. She will want you to spend your quality time with others too. She will want your smile too, but she will want you to, again, to share it with the world as well. She will want you to be happy even when she isn't around. Of course she will want your honesty, I mean what girl wants a liar of a man, but she will want you to be honest with yourself as well. She will want you to see all the good in you that she sees. Yes, she will want your effort, but she will also want you to put your effort into making your dreams come true. And finally yes, she will want you to put her as a priority, but she will not want you to put her over everything else. She will understand that you have things that at times are more important than her. She will understand and will only love you more for doing the right thing. So all in all, Men, do your homework and find the right one. I'm sure you will.

Smile Movement :)

  A smile is a gift even if some may say a curse. It’s a sign of victory and a proud defeat. More than a grin. It’s a memory. A lifetime. Happiness. It tells a story all on its own. No madder how you look at it, a smile is a present sent from God. Some stories are old and a little broken. Others are new and shiny. Some are yellow and need to be brushed, but most are white. Smiles are shown in doodles and portraits. Smiles are everywhere. Sometimes you just have to look at a frown up-side down. So lets raze the corners of our mouths and smile.

An Up Side Down World

Oh when you see the world

So up side down

Bottles and cans

Tables and tops

Carpets and rugs

Oh other things and what knots

It makes you wonder

If you are looking

At the world

The right side up

My World

I live in a fantasy

Where there is no tragedy

No such thing as a travesty

I live in a world

That is light as a feather

Like spinning tops that twirl

And where there is no bad weather

Not in reality

Not in such brutality

In a world of wonder

And of no blunder

In a world of romance

All of by chance

If a heart were a driving force

I’d let it take its course

Nothing like this

Oh how I would miss

If it were gone

I’d be undone

Revenge

Revenge so sweet

I can taste it on my tough

I thought it had revived me

Of my pain and sorrow

But no

Twas not as satisfying

As a glass of water

Nor as sweet as a cherry pie

So what is revenge

If not flattening the playing field

Tis not extinguishing the flame

But fueling it more

With thy enemy’s rage

Where did the Party Go?

One thing turns to the next

The lights dim down

The colors flash

Neon lights

And

Beer bottles

And way too many drunken people

This is not where in ended

But where it began

Where it went

We will never know

And of we do

We will wish we hadn’t

Blank Canvas

It sits there

Like a giant grizzly bear

Its blank eyes

In such enormous size

Stair strait back

Ready to attack

It mocks me

As plainly as you can see

No muse

Only to lose

No inspiration

Only exasperation

It’s bold

And brave

Barbaric

And bizarre

Yet so very

Blank

Old Red Brick Building

 

My old red brick building,

It stands so tall and proud.

My skyscraper,

My skyline.

My ceiling,

And floor.

My home.

It may not be much,

But it’s mine,

And it always will be,

My old red brick building.

Les Romantiques (Partly in French)

Amour à la première vue.

Love at first sight.

Amour à la première lumière.

Love at first light.

Love at first…

We all want to know

What makes our hearts beat

It’s not just simple science

It is the love and trust

That we feel for one another

We reach

And sometimes achieve

What we all long for

Happily Ever After…

The Young Union Soldier

 Today I had to make one of the hardest decision of my life, past, present, and possibly future. I had to run away from my family, home, and everything I knew to join the Union. To join the great big blue. To where the coat with the double-breasted buttons shiny and new. To fight for the freedom and the rights of others. I want not only to hear about the fight, not only to see the battle, but be along in the struggle as well. I want to load my rifle, powder and ball. I want to aim. I want to hear the canons shout and roar. The popping chatter of the guns. But I don't want to shoot. I don't want to kill or harm anyone. I know I have to, that I have no choice, but I can't. I just can't. To pull the trigger would not only be the death of another man, but also of myself. To know that I've caused bloodshed would make me bleed sorrow for years to come. My heart breaks at the thought of making someone else's stop. I know I must fight to protect my men, my family, me, but I just can't shake notion. The feeling. The pain. Though all of this is for the right reason. For the right cause. For others’ rights. I just can't do it. So shoot me down dear Lord, for if I fail you, but I cannot murder. I cannot harm. I will not murder. I will not harm.

True Love, Young Love

She stands there, waiting for him to arrive. She wonders if he will ever come to find her. She waits for another moment and looks around. Turning over the idea of leaving in her mind over and over. Then he's there, walking up from behind. He finally reaches her and wraps his arms around her. He leans over just enough to whisper in her ear "I love you." She recognizes his voice and the warmth radiating off his strong muscular arms. She repeats the phrase back to him as he twirls her around. They gaze into each other's eyes with such affection that it would melt even the coldest of hearts. Then, for just a mere moment, their lips meet. Chills run up their spines as their knees grow weak. Then they just stand there. Spending borrowed time, as they embrace one another. Surrounded by an overwhelming feeling of passion and joy.

Oh Sparrow with No Sorrow

  The sparrow flew free as the wind. Soaring through the breeze. Gliding upon wings of an angel. With such grace, I wish I could be her. Flying high above the world and looking down from her point of view. She seems so happy. So content with life. Then again, I would be too if I didn’t have a care in the world. If only I could be her. If only, if only.

Second Date!!!

Today I had the most amazing day! I went to Kings Island and afterwards to the Reds game (sadly they lost to the Dodgers). But the best thing about today was that I spent the whole day with one of the most amazing men I know, my man. I love him to death and being with him today made my week. I don't know what I would do with out him. Can't wait to see him again!

-Riley M 💖